24 Jan 2012

Jealous much?

Today I got jealous. Ooh it was ugly. I got jealous of other people who have time to take care of their wellbeing. I got home, sat down and thought, hold the pony and wait for a moment. What are you saying? Are you saying that you begrudge others the chance to be and keep well?

Or are you really just projecting your frustration of not being able to relax and take care of yourself onto others?

That looks a lot like it doesn't it.

I find it really hard to loosen up, scream and curse the world. I can't remember a time I felt relaxed, not properly chilled out super calm relaxed. I read something the other day that said if you find it hard to sit still and just 'be' you need it especially. I am trying to challenge my usual way of 'plan everything to within a inch of it's life so that you feel in control and safe'.

The world isn't controlable. It will be challenging, changing and never able to be controled. So I am floating an idea with myself.... what if I ditched calorie counting, meal plans, productivity logs, fitness schedules, constant planning, thinking and just was. Do the things I like, don't do things I don't like.

How about it? I can't be the only control freaky planner out there.......

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